Fictional Foods You Really Wouldn’t Want to Eat

 

While there are lots of different kinds of fictional food that sound pretty tasty, there are a great many more that you would never want to get anywhere near you, let alone put in your mouth. For various reasons, you may want to reconsider eating any of the foods found in the list below should they somehow be offered to you.

You have been warned…

 

 

Fictional Foods Simpsons

 

Bachelor Chow (Futurama)

Bachelor Chow, as its name suggests, is all purpose foodstuff generally sold to those living alone and not predisposed to cooking (just add water!). Its can and contents both look very much like that of dog food (especially mushy dog food; one ad declares “Now with flavour!”), and as such it’s probably not too much of a stretch to suggest that it doesn’t seem particularly palatable. However, some might consider this a small price to pay for having everything your body needs available from one convenient source.

 

Limestone pie and hot melted silver (Return to Oz)

This sounds less unappetising (heck, as a kid I totally wanted to try these) and more deadly. While Dorothy appears to imbibe both of these without suffering any ill effects (magic and all that), we have to consider what would happen if one attempted to ingest these creations in real life.

Limestone pies probably wouldn’t be too much of a problem, though they may be somewhat chalky; limestone is quite commonly found as calcium carbonate in a lot of contemporary food and medication. However, drinking molten silver is any context is probably not the best plan.

 

Snozzcumbers (The BFG)

Snozzcumbers are essentially giant cucumbers (around nine to twelve feet long, to be exact) with black and white, wart-encrusted skin. If this doesn’t put you off (to be fair there are some pretty ugly cucumbers out there), then the fact that how disgusting they taste is repeatedly referred to might. Indeed, if they taste so bad can you really blame the majority of giants for wanting to eat people instead? Speaking of eating people…

 

Soylent Green (Soylent Green)

The reason for the inclusion of Soylent Green on this list should be obvious but, just in case that isn’t enough, allow me to elaborate. The obvious bad thing about chowing down on your daily ration of Soylent Green is that it’s (spoilers) people, and cannibalism’s just not cool. That said, your other options – Soylent Red and Soylent Yellow – aren’t particularly appetising either. As their name suggests, the crackers made from a mixture of soy beans and lentils (Soylent Green’s USP is meant to be “high-energy plankton”), and while you might not mind snacking on them occasionally it would be pretty hard going to live off them.

 

The Lost Boys’ food (Hook)

To be fair, there is a fair amount of “normal” food in amongst the stuff found at the Lost Boys’ banquet. However, the majority of what is seen during the food fight sequence is a load of brightly coloured gunk.

The prospect of eating the latter never seemed particularly attractive even as a child, a combination of perceived texture and highly unnatural hues making me quite lose my appetite. Heck, the Lost Boys themselves don’t even eat it, so perhaps being chucked around is all that it’s there for.

 

Tomacco (The Simpsons)

The result of combining tomatoes and tobacco (as well as a healthy dose of plutonium), tomaccoes are externally like the former while also having a dry tobacco centre. As you might expect, tomaccoes are repeatedly said to taste horrible. However, they are also powerfully and instantly addictive, which leads to the Simpsons almost being killed by a mob of tomacco-addled animals.

One fan actually cultivated a tomato/tobacco hybrid plant, the fruits of which looked like normal tomatoes but contained small amounts of nicotine.

 

Chilled monkey brains (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)

The banquet served to Indy and friends at Pankot Palace has a number of rather alarming dishes included in the spread. However, I think it’s fair to say that the dessert course beats beetles and snake surprise hands down when it comes to grossness. Just imagining taking a mouthful of that cold, gooey… blergh; I can’t even carry on talking about this one. Why didn’t they just get Short Round to get them a Chinese takeaway instead?

 

About the Author
fictional foodsElla is but a humble copywriter with a master’s degree in English and a passion for films both good and bad. When not indulging in the latter, she tends to occupy her time by gaming, trawling the internet and, of course, writing.

 

 

Image by Ricardo Castro

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76 Responses to Fictional Foods You Really Wouldn’t Want to Eat
  1. Stan Winchester
    April 7, 2012 | 14:44

    quite honestly I think the Simpsons tobacco tomato mix may have some specific uses in my kitchen.

  2. nando eriawan
    Twitter:
    April 13, 2012 | 06:28

    those who eat bachelor chow are really insane. how they get some foods that looks like dog foods. If I found it, I’m sure to decline it

  3. Joe
    April 15, 2012 | 06:52

    Great Post Ella, thanks for the foods list 😀

  4. Syeda Mehwish
    April 15, 2012 | 17:07

    I didnot know much about fictional foods before reading this post and thankyou for giving awareness on this topic.
    Syeda Mehwish would love you to read..Moosejaw Coupon Code and ReviewMy Profile

  5. Melissa
    April 16, 2012 | 14:17

    it’s like a funny recollection from my childhood) I remember thinking about all these foods)
    Melissa would love you to read..Best jQuery Featured Slider Designs – Paid And FreeMy Profile

  6. Jeremy
    April 18, 2012 | 03:48

    The list is really an awful one and it is actually good to know to that they are limited to fictions only.

  7. Deborah E
    April 21, 2012 | 12:55

    Oh, my goodness, what an entertaining post! I especially like the Bachelor Chow. Although, I may be guilty of having eaten it and I’ve never been a bachelor. lol

  8. Adam
    April 23, 2012 | 20:40

    Haha. Bachelor chow was so hilarious. Well, Futurama in general is so hilarious. Though tomacco is about as genius a food product as I’ve ever heard.

  9. Rob Koenig
    April 26, 2012 | 17:41

    Oh, great post! Thanks for bringing up these fictional foods. Duff Beer (Simpsons) actually exists.
    Rob Koenig would love you to read..3 People Die from Big Rig Fiery Crash in FresnoMy Profile

  10. Matt
    Twitter:
    May 15, 2012 | 03:30

    I am CONSTANTLY making references to Tomacco and The Simpsons. I think that is hands-down one of the best episodes that show has produced. I’ll admit though, reading your list I had forgotten about the lost boys and their food. I can’t remember much about it but I do remember that at one point a lot of them did look as if they were enjoying it quite a bit so perhaps, just maybe, I’d give it a try if it were real 😛

    Thumbs up on the fun post topic too, by the way!

    Matt.

  11. mark
    May 21, 2012 | 11:54

    Lol simpson tomacco looks really great. Chilled monkey brains are also worth a try 😀

  12. Susan
    May 24, 2012 | 00:25

    I wouldn’t want to eat any on that list. Even if is for free. :)

  13. diana taylor
    May 24, 2012 | 00:55

    Thanks for information Ella, will surely look forward that I dont consume those kind of food. But the Simpsons family is looking good.

  14. Richa
    May 24, 2012 | 11:12

    Hey Ella

    This is a very very entertaining post. Chilled monkey brains looks wonderful and surely worth a try. But i am glad that they are only fictional ones..Thanks for the list.

  15. seprian
    Twitter:
    May 31, 2012 | 06:37

    Haha.. These foods will send you directly to hospital in no time :-) You wanna try it.
    seprian would love you to read..Fitness BallMy Profile

  16. Chamberlain
    June 8, 2012 | 15:48

    I wouldn’t eat Tomacco even if you pay me $100 … that thing kills!

  17. Michiel Van Kets
    Twitter:
    August 16, 2012 | 23:38

    This is such a cute article. I smiled when I saw Snozzcumbers from my favourite author in the world – Roald Dahl! This entry makes me want to re-read all his classics. Now, if only the post had a picture of the Tomacco plant that the Simpson fan created.

  18. Julidarma
    Twitter:
    August 31, 2012 | 22:33

    Lol, this post very funny. Btw, it can also relief the stress

  19. Steve
    November 19, 2012 | 11:57

    I am really confused about the fictional foods that you discuss here. I am on my strict diet of eating low sugar foods and fruits and avoid foods that boost sugar level.

    • Julidarma
      February 3, 2013 | 04:38

      Keep your diet Steve. It looks you struggle to control your intake keep your health. Forget the delicious food. May be it not safe for you
      Julidarma would love you to read..Three Natural Ways To Fight Kidneys StoneMy Profile

  20. Julidarma
    February 11, 2013 | 02:08

    LOL, as the name suggest fictional food. The taste also fictional. This food not to eat but it is good to boost the imagination
    Julidarma would love you to read..The Effective Way To Lose Weight With Green CoffeeMy Profile

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